Eric, UNOH Manurewa, Auckland, New Zealand
It was early evening. As I turned the van towards the indoor stadium, eager to jump on the court and join our neighbourhood netball team in a fun game, my phone rang. It was my wife Anna; “Where are you?” she asked. I could hear concern in her voice. Before I could answer, she carried on, “Matt is here! He just got home from school to find out his uncle has been arrested for assaulting his foster mum. He seems lost and confused and he’s come to see you.”
My heart broke as I thought of Matt, who had never known his dad, and had very few good male role models in his life. His uncle was like a father figure to him. Matt is one of our local gems: a 16 year-old teen who has a natural gift for music, a cheeky, cheerful personality and a love for helping others. His commitment to our local kids club ‘Soufpac’ every Thursday evening for nearly 4 years is commendable for such a young man. He plans, leads, and joins in the laughter alongside kids, with the intention of helping them find a place of belonging, fun and encouragement.
There is so much potential in Matt, this budding young leader who is eager to learn more and develop his skills. We seek to give him opportunities to grow and develop by giving him a platform to share new ideas, giving him different experiences in life and stretching his leadership skills through Kids Club.
So, when Matt came over; feeling lost and just wanting to be heard, I knew I had to turn my van around and head back home. Anna and I had a good chat with him about his uncle, and life in general, over a cuppa. As he talked, we found ourselves trying to form plans and ideas in our heads. How can we help him? What can we do to solve this problem? We realised all too quickly that we had no clue. Matt wasn’t actually seeking a silver bullet answer or a quick fix. Instead he was just inviting us to hear his story. “I came home and my foster mum just told me, ‘Your uncle is in jail for hitting me’ That was it. I don’t know which police station he was taken to, how to contact him or what’s going to happen to him.”
Anna and I realised that to go in deep with our neighbours and community, we need to be invited. So much of Christian ministry and secular aid work is one way. It is characterised by us ministering to others, us aiding another, and us assuming we have the answers. We create a stumbling block by always assuming that when others share their story, they are asking for help and wanting us to intervene. When a neighbour freely invites us into their story we are invited to listen and then wait. There is no need to fix, but to walk alongside, staying a friend. As others unearth their own capacity and God-given ability to resolve problems, their dignity is restored and self-worth increased. The lesson for me is to learn to ask the Creator to help me see each person through His eyes: they have strength, perception and resourcefulness. Relinquishing my power and my own stumbling blocks allows others to realise their potential and power, and thus be empowered.